Question:
: : Your liberal crowd pushes women to become unwed mothers. Then what? You : presuppose everyone has the ability to adjust to life as an unwed mother. : Time out, she has an ex-husband. It’s not your or our business to ask why, it could be very personal, and for a very good reason. Until you’ve walked a mile in her shoes….. Karen
Response:
"Elaine >I’m sorry. I disagree with your entire premise. > And what premise might THAT be, Elaine? I’d really like to know what you could > possibly mean here. Melinda Lee writes:
First, I wanted to be a model for my son. All the studies indicate that single mothers who work and who strive to achieve something in life raise sons who do likewise, whereas welfare mothers produce welfare sons–statistically. Also, I find that education makes for informed choices. My field is history and I think learning about history has helped me to look at others with more tolerance and understanding. She became an unwed mother, then dumped her infant in daycare so she can him, and too tired to relate to him when they finally have some time together? Sorry, but that’s just plain wrong. Her people all told her to unload the kid when she had a chance. They knew how things would turn out. But noooooooooo. She knew better than anyone else. She was going to "prove" something to them.
Response:
That’s the whole point of being St.Singlemom- no time for fun, only time to work, and demand free childcare.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Susan: > Thank you so much. He does cook with me. It just doesn’t seem like that > would be much fun for him. > Melinda >Hi Melinda, >firstly, I don’t think you should feel guilty about sometimes >letting your son watch TV. It sounds like you’re pretty >overwhelmed and in need of a break yourself once in a while. >That being said, you definitely need to figure out how to >interact with him…try some "make believe" play, little kids >love that and it doesn’t require much preparation or clean up. >Pretend you’re going to the supermarket, playing house or >school. You can each take a role (e.g. customer and cashier) and >play the whole thing out. Also, try reading books to him or >coloring toghether with crayons or markers. Truthfully, it >doesn’t much matter what you do as long as you interact. Let him >help you prepare dinner, or wash up afterwards, for example. >Good luck! >Susan >http://havinganotherbaby.com >* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network > * >The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
> : > : Your liberal crowd pushes women to become unwed mothers. Then what? You > : presuppose everyone has the ability to adjust to life as an unwed mother. > : > Time out, she has an ex-husband.
Apparently, he was g-o-n-e when he found out she was pregnant. Her friends told her to unload it while she still had a chance. Of course, SHE knew better. > It’s not your or our business to > ask why
Funny, how often it becomes our business when unwed mothers can no longer control their sons, and they want tax payers to take over.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Hi. I’m a very stressed single mom of a 3 year old and I have no idea what >to do with him. I guess so you’ll know where I’m coming from, I am a high >school teacher, I’m working on my doctoral dissertation in history–just >starting the research, and I receive no child support or other from my ex. >When I get home I have no idea what to do with my son. I’m so tired that >sometimes I just plop him in front of the tv. I don’t really know how to >entertain him or spend quality time. I’ve never been around little kids >before. Any ideas on inside activities (it’s already in the 100s outside >here)? >Melinda Lee
Melinda, please remember that Elaine does not have children, and really does seem quick to come up with the "get rid of the kid" answer. I think you sound like you are doing fine, and some of the other posters (Josie?) had a lot of good ideas for indoor play. I kept an oilcloth on my kitchen table so my kids could color, do colorforms, play with Play-Doh, and so on — they were right nearby while I cooked. If you get some big posterboard – or several – you can draw him a racetrack on one side or zoo on the other, and let him zoom cars around or place those little wild animals. They even sell little pre-printed rugs like that. Suggestion on toy buckets: get the clear ones so you can see what’s inside. Much easier to chuck stuff back into the right spots. Do you have a tape or cd player? My kids used a little record player that someone lent to us and listened to those little story records for hours. If he’s a jump-around type, just one story and then to another activity. You can do counting, colors, letters as he keeps growing. Really, anything you do with him will be good, even if it’s wiping off the counters and putting towels in the hamper. They love to help, and then it’s time for splashing in the tub, nighttime stories, and bed. Good luck. Letting him help you cook, or wash vegetables, or anything on that line is another good idea. Lynne * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
In article >She became an unwed mother, then dumped her infant in daycare so she can bored with >him, and too tired to relate to him when they finally have some time >together? Sorry, but that’s just plain wrong.
Gee Elaine, what happened on the other thread when you defended the mother as just going through the motions? (I kind of liked that one because it lets us off the hook for just about anything.) How come you’re not using that one here? I believe that other mom was single too, come to think of it. The OP asked for help in playing with her son, not for comments on her lifestyle (what would you have said if she explained that she was home alone at night with her son because her husband worked nights? Huh?) or what she is studying, your opinions on abortions, or for hints on how to unload him. Hint: if she wanted to unload her son, she probably would have asked how to do so. If you cannot stick to the topic — maybe you should read these posts OUT LOUD and SLOWLY before you jump in with both feet — then maybe you should refrain, PARTICULARLY SINCE YOU DON’T HAVE CHILDREN and obviously have no idea what people actually do to care for their kids. Lynne * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
>Susan: >Thank you so much. He does cook with me. It just doesn’t seem like that >would be much fun for him. >Melinda
Oh, I’m sure it is fun for him, Melinda. Rest assured that kids his age especially love cooking. Have you asked him if he likes it? Does he seem to like it……and perhaps because you’re tired and not much in the mood to cook yourself, you’re possibly just assuming that he doesn’t get much out of it either? If he already cooks with you, perhaps you actually are doing just alittle more with him than you realize. You’ll come up with some good ideas, I’m sure…..just try to use your imagination…..and have alittle more faith in your own ability to interact with your little one. If you’re trying to think of ideas……which you obviously are or you wouldn’t have posted…..then you’re already on the right track. Josie
Response:
>Do we think Elaine is female.? I doubt it…a female would never give that >advice. >A FEMALE would never advise an unwed mother to find a loving home for an >unwanted little boy?
Where did the original poster say that she didn’t want her son, Elaine? She never said this and you know it. Josie
Response:
>> You’re wrong to assume that this child has no place with it’s mother. >Really? You know this woman?
No, I don’t, Elaine…..which is why I didn’t assume that just because she posted asking for ideas for indoor activities to do with her child…she’s obviously *through playing with him* and should give him up. Perhaps I misunderstood and YOU *do* know her? >Her main > problem seems to be that she’s tired, and that she isn’t used to children. >Gee, add to that no husband, and an evident total disinterest in anything >other than her school.
*Add that to no husband*? What would that have to do with anything? Are you implying that women who are tired, not used to kids, and who have no husband should all give up their children? Man, that’s one hell of alot of women who’d have to give up their kids! I also do not understand just how you got from her post that she is *totally disinterested* in anything other than her school. > Sure > seemed to me though, that she wants him and was just looking for ideas as >to > good quality time activities to do indoors with him. You have assumed far >too > much about her on such limited info from her post, IMO. Besides……why >IS > your solution to nearly everything to simply give the child away? >Obviously, it’s not, but according to the great liberal "singlmom" >mentality, the life of St.Singlmom is supposed to be perfect, one those icky >men are out of the picture, and the singlemom gets her state mandaded free >childcare.
I don’t see where you’re trying to go with this speel in regard to the poster’s problem or anything that she wrote. > I’ve noticed > that you seem to offer this advice up quite often. Without reason too, >IMO. > Josie >Funny you’d fixate on something like that… because I field MANY different >sorts of questions.
Yes, you do……nevertheless, I’ve noticed that you DO seem kinda quick on the *give the kid away* trigger. Certainly way more than the average Joe is anyway. But hey……<smacking forehead>…..I just keep forgetting that *you’re* no average Joe. Josie
Response:
>I’m sorry. I disagree with your entire premise.
And what premise might THAT be, Elaine? I’d really like to know what you could possibly mean here. Josie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Elaine: > I find your outlook quite interesting. I guess I have stayed in school >for > a couple of reasons. First, I wanted to be a model for my son. All the > studies indicate that single mothers who work and who strive to achieve > something in life raise sons who do likewise, whereas welfare mothers > produce welfare sons–statistically. Also, I find that education makes >for > informed choices. My field is history and I think learning about history > has helped me to look at others with more tolerance and understanding. I > rarely jump to conclusions and when confused I tend to ask more questions >to > clarify the matter. That is in fact why I posted here. Perhaps I > overstated my case, but I really wanted to know what to do with a three >year > old. I did fine with babyhood and one and two, but three is a big change > and I want to stimulate my son and spend quality time with him, not just > burn the hours away in meaningless activities. I thought a parent site > could most efficiently provide me with useful, time-tested information. > Have you any useful, time-tested advice on how to spend quality time with >a > three year old? That is something I would be interested in. > Melinda > >Do we think Elaine is female.? I doubt it…a female would never give >that > >advice. > >A FEMALE would never advise an unwed mother to find a loving home for an > >unwanted little boy? > >Elaines ex husband or something maybe….Elaine probally took off in real > >life and he is still using her name posting on these ng’s . > >What do you think? Make sense? > >It must be very demanding. Don’t blame yourself and try to learn how to > >play with your boy. Start very simple things like reading, coloring and > all > >the other suggestiions that the people with a brain have given. > >I must appologise for that WITCH that responded with a quote that I will > not > >even repeate. > >I’m sure you love your boy and are doing the best you can. > >Chantal (mother of Davyd-Kristopher (4yrs old) >Path: >lobby!newstf02.news.aol.com!portc03.blue.aol.com!newsfeed.skycache.com!Ci
dera!63.211.125.
Response:
You don’t indicate that you can even stand to be around your toddler. You sure don’t have time for him, and are not willing to give up a moment of your precious schooling to look after him.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I don’t even know what to respond to such an idiotic and cruel phrase such > as this. > You certainly dont know what the hell you are talknig about so keep your > bloody responses in that little head of yours.
Response:
Do we think Elaine is female.? I doubt it…a female would never give that advice. A FEMALE would never advise an unwed mother to find a loving home for an unwanted little boy? Elaines ex husband or something maybe….Elaine probally took off in real life and he is still using her name posting on these ng’s . What do you think? Make sense?
It must be very demanding. Don’t blame yourself and try to learn how to play with your boy. Start very simple things like reading, coloring and all the other suggestiions that the people with a brain have given. I must appologise for that WITCH that responded with a quote that I will not even repeate. I’m sure you love your boy and are doing the best you can. Chantal (mother of Davyd-Kristopher (4yrs old)
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Thanks for taking up for me. I really appreciate it. You know, I was >married 7 years before I got pregnant. I came back the summer I was >pregnant to take my master’s exams and when I went back home my husband had >cleared out our apartment, our bank accounts, everything and moved in with >some GUY! I thought about putting Graham up for adoption. Everyone I knew >thought I should have an abortion. But I really wanted Graham and I wanted >to give him a good life. I stayed in school because I had a stipend of 7000 >dollars a year and I didn’t want my son to have a welfare mom. I’ve never >taken a single dime of anyone’s money to date. I also stayed in school >because I was able to take Graham with me. I went back to work, with >Graham, when he was two weeks old. I nursed him until he was 2. He had >severe reflux and almost died. His father never even visited. You’re >right. I wrote because I don’t know much about little kids and I want to >make his life as complete as possible–not because I’m too busy to mess with >him. I don’t even date because that would take time away from Gray. I have >done all of my Ph.D. work from 10 to 2, averaging about 4 hours of sleep a >night for the last 3 years–so that the time Graham is up is spent with me. >I took a job teaching high school so I could pick him up by 4 every day. >But, sometimes I just don’t know what to do with him. He’s not a baby >anymore. I read to him and we go to the park in the evenings. I just >thought you guys would know some indoor stuff that kids like. Which you >did. Thank you. >Melinda
You’re most welcome, Melinda……and you needn’t explain to me, as I had ya pegged right from the start as someone who cares about her son and is trying. Your story is an inspiration, really. You probably don’t even realize just how strong you really are to have been through what you’ve been through and accomplish what you have. You should be quite proud of yourself, girl…..and your little boy is very lucky to have you, in my opinion. What with the things that you already do with him…..read, cook, and the park….and the ideas you choose to pick from the posters in here…….I’m sure that your son will be and do just fine. And stop worrying so much…….I’ve got 3 kids and grew up around a slew of siblings and cousins, and I STILL have days where I don’t know what to do with mine! It happens. As long as your son knows that you love him…..he’ll be okay. Hang in there….trust yourself….and ignore the Elaines of the world. Seems to always be *someone* out there just looking to bring others down. Don’t let ‘em. Josie
Response:
> But, sometimes I just don’t know what to do with him. He’s not a baby > anymore. I read to him and we go to the park in the evenings. I just > thought you guys would know some indoor stuff that kids like. Which you > did. Thank you. > Melinda
Hey Melinda! You’re all right. :o) Keep up the good work. Remember that, at your son’s age, as long as you include him in things (even everyday things) he’ll be entertained and content. ~Bethany (I liked this thread- it gave me lots of great ideas for this summer with my 2 1/2 yr old!)
Response:
> You’re wrong to assume that this child has no place with it’s mother.
Really? You know this woman? >Her main > problem seems to be that she’s tired, and that she isn’t used to children.
Gee, add to that no husband, and an evident total disinterest in anything other than her school. > Sure > seemed to me though, that she wants him and was just looking for ideas as to > good quality time activities to do indoors with him. You have assumed far too > much about her on such limited info from her post, IMO. Besides……why IS > your solution to nearly everything to simply give the child away?
Obviously, it’s not, but according to the great liberal "singlmom" mentality, the life of St.Singlmom is supposed to be perfect, one those icky men are out of the picture, and the singlemom gets her state mandaded free childcare. I’ve noticed > that you seem to offer this advice up quite often. Without reason too, IMO. > Josie
Funny you’d fixate on something like that… because I field MANY different sorts of questions.
Response:
Do we think Elaine is female.? I doubt it…a female would never give that advice. Elaines ex husband or something maybe….Elaine probally took off in real life and he is still using her name posting on these ng’s . What do you think? Make sense?
It must be very demanding. Don’t blame yourself and try to learn how to play with your boy. Start very simple things like reading, coloring and all the other suggestiions that the people with a brain have given. I must appologise for that WITCH that responded with a quote that I will not even repeate. I’m sure you love your boy and are doing the best you can. Chantal (mother of Davyd-Kristopher (4yrs old)
Response:
Kay: I appreciate the concern. I don’t think I’m depressed. I am actually very content most of the time. I am a little frustrated going through the potty training, and I just don’t know if I’m doing the right stuff with Graham. I mean, we go for walks and sit out on the porch swing and eat strawberries and go to the park, but it gets so hot here that we have to be inside now until evening and I’ve always been an outdoor person–so I don’t have a lot of indoor activity knowledge. I wish I could take time off from school, but I have three years left. I don’t actually spend as much time now as previously since all I have left is the dissertation. I appreciate your concern, though. Thank you. Melinda
Response:
Elaine: I find your outlook quite interesting. I guess I have stayed in school for a couple of reasons. First, I wanted to be a model for my son. All the studies indicate that single mothers who work and who strive to achieve something in life raise sons who do likewise, whereas welfare mothers produce welfare sons–statistically. Also, I find that education makes for informed choices. My field is history and I think learning about history has helped me to look at others with more tolerance and understanding. I rarely jump to conclusions and when confused I tend to ask more questions to clarify the matter. That is in fact why I posted here. Perhaps I overstated my case, but I really wanted to know what to do with a three year old. I did fine with babyhood and one and two, but three is a big change and I want to stimulate my son and spend quality time with him, not just burn the hours away in meaningless activities. I thought a parent site could most efficiently provide me with useful, time-tested information. Have you any useful, time-tested advice on how to spend quality time with a three year old? That is something I would be interested in. Melinda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Do we think Elaine is female.? I doubt it…a female would never give that >advice. >A FEMALE would never advise an unwed mother to find a loving home for an >unwanted little boy? >Elaines ex husband or something maybe….Elaine probally took off in real >life and he is still using her name posting on these ng’s . >What do you think? Make sense? >It must be very demanding. Don’t blame yourself and try to learn how to >play with your boy. Start very simple things like reading, coloring and all >the other suggestiions that the people with a brain have given. >I must appologise for that WITCH that responded with a quote that I will not >even repeate. >I’m sure you love your boy and are doing the best you can. >Chantal (mother of Davyd-Kristopher (4yrs old)
Response:
>You’re through playing with him. Put him up for adoption.
How cruel you are…..why, in fact..your cruelty seems to know no bounds at all. Not everyone instinctively knows how to interact with children…..especially those not raised around or used to children, Elaine. Why would she be posting here asking for suggestions at all if she were *through playing* with him? Josie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi. I’m a very stressed single mom of a 3 year old and I have no idea >what > to do with him. I guess so you’ll know where I’m coming from, I am a high > school teacher, I’m working on my doctoral dissertation in history–just > starting the research, and I receive no child support or other from my ex. > When I get home I have no idea what to do with my son. I’m so tired that > sometimes I just plop him in front of the tv. I don’t really know how to > entertain him or spend quality time. I’ve never been around little kids > before. Any ideas on inside activities (it’s already in the 100s outside > here)? > Melinda Lee
Response:
Hi, Melinda! Is it possible that you are suffering from depression? Constant tiredness is a symptom, along with a feeling of anxiety, lack of ‘creative thought’ and ideas, feelings of failure coupled with high expectations of yourself and others…… I feel very concerned for you both (and I’m sorry that not all the resonsed to your post have been kind and helpful – really sorry) Can you take a year off your studies? Three is a very needy age, and three year olds can be very challenging even when you are a married, full time mum – you really are putting yourself under pressure, which will contribute to the depression. (I’m starting my MA in January, when both my kids are in school – and I’m still concerned about the time required and my ability to fit it all in…..!) You may feel that the studying keeps you sane but it’s worth considering for a moment whether the pressure to ’succeed against the odds’ is actually something you need right now. Can you take days off to socialise with your child – teaming up with other mums is much more fun than trying to struggle alone. Love Kay – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi. I’m a very stressed single mom of a 3 year old and I have no idea what > to do with him. I guess so you’ll know where I’m coming from, I am a high > school teacher, I’m working on my doctoral dissertation in history–just > starting the research, and I receive no child support or other from my ex. > When I get home I have no idea what to do with my son. I’m so tired that > sometimes I just plop him in front of the tv. I don’t really know how to > entertain him or spend quality time. I’ve never been around little kids > before. Any ideas on inside activities (it’s already in the 100s outside > here)? > Melinda Lee
Response:
Your liberal crowd pushes women to become unwed mothers. Then what? You presuppose everyone has the ability to adjust to life as an unwed mother. This chick has a life of her own, and a little boy has no place there. Give the kid a chance to be somewhere he’s at least enjoyed. It would solve the woman’s problem of an unwanted male 3yr. old plus give the boy a chance at a decent life.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "Elaine >You’re through playing with him. Put him up for adoption. > How cruel you are…..why, in fact..your cruelty seems to know no bounds at > all. Not everyone instinctively knows how to interact with > children…..especially those not raised around or used to children, Elaine. > Why would she be posting here asking for suggestions at all if she were > *through playing* with him? > Josie >> Hi. I’m a very stressed single mom of a 3 year old and I have no idea >what >> to do with him. I guess so you’ll know where I’m coming from, I am a high >> school teacher, I’m working on my doctoral dissertation in history–just >> starting the research, and I receive no child support or other from my ex. >> When I get home I have no idea what to do with my son. I’m so tired that >> sometimes I just plop him in front of the tv. I don’t really know how to >> entertain him or spend quality time. I’ve never been around little kids >> before. Any ideas on inside activities (it’s already in the 100s outside >> here)? >> Melinda Lee
Response:
Hi. I’m a very stressed single mom of a 3 year old and I have no idea what to do with him. I guess so you’ll know where I’m coming from, I am a high school teacher, I’m working on my doctoral dissertation in history–just starting the research, and I receive no child support or other from my ex. When I get home I have no idea what to do with my son. I’m so tired that sometimes I just plop him in front of the tv. I don’t really know how to entertain him or spend quality time. I’ve never been around little kids before. Any ideas on inside activities (it’s already in the 100s outside here)? Melinda Lee
Response:
Hi Melinda, firstly, I don’t think you should feel guilty about sometimes letting your son watch TV. It sounds like you’re pretty overwhelmed and in need of a break yourself once in a while. That being said, you definitely need to figure out how to interact with him…try some "make believe" play, little kids love that and it doesn’t require much preparation or clean up. Pretend you’re going to the supermarket, playing house or school. You can each take a role (e.g. customer and cashier) and play the whole thing out. Also, try reading books to him or coloring toghether with crayons or markers. Truthfully, it doesn’t much matter what you do as long as you interact. Let him help you prepare dinner, or wash up afterwards, for example. Good luck! Susan http://havinganotherbaby.com * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
You’re through playing with him. Put him up for adoption.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi. I’m a very stressed single mom of a 3 year old and I have no idea what > to do with him. I guess so you’ll know where I’m coming from, I am a high > school teacher, I’m working on my doctoral dissertation in history–just > starting the research, and I receive no child support or other from my ex. > When I get home I have no idea what to do with my son. I’m so tired that > sometimes I just plop him in front of the tv. I don’t really know how to > entertain him or spend quality time. I’ve never been around little kids > before. Any ideas on inside activities (it’s already in the 100s outside > here)? > Melinda Lee
Response:
>Hi. I’m a very stressed single mom of a 3 year old and I have no idea what >to do with him. I guess so you’ll know where I’m coming from, I am a high >school teacher, I’m working on my doctoral dissertation in history–just >starting the research, and I receive no child support or other from my ex. >When I get home I have no idea what to do with my son. I’m so tired that >sometimes I just plop him in front of the tv. I don’t really know how to >entertain him or spend quality time. I’ve never been around little kids >before. Any ideas on inside activities (it’s already in the 100s outside >here)?
I applaud you……it’s gotta really be hard to go it alone like you are. There are endless inside activities that you can do with your 3 year old. Many of the things that 3 year olds like to play inside are tiring, such as tag, hopscotch or hide & go seek, mother may I, simon says, throwing blankets over furniture and having a tent to *camp* out in the living room, etc…..(and yes, all these CAN be played inside)….so maybe you could save those types of indoor games for week-ends or times when you’re off. A cardboard box (available free for the asking at any supermarket) can provide a wealth of imaginary pastimes…..like boating, flying a plane, etc. Much less tiring indoor activities can and are still fun for this age group. Playing *with him* at the kitchen & Ladders…..or Memory. Coloring with him…..reading to him (my favorite)……making all kinds of drawings on construction paper or drawing shapes and cutting them out……painting with watercolors…….legos or building blocks……all things that can be done while sitting at the table if you’re tired. The kitchen table can even be turned into a *town* with chalkdrawn houses, buildings and roads for little matchbox cars you could both zoom around (while sitting down). If you don’t like the idea of chalk drawing on your table, there are really cheap solid color plastic tablecoths you could use for this. Since you both have to eat anyway……letting him pull a chair up to the counter and helping you prepare dinner (or any meal) is always a winner with kids of this age. Making a salad? Just give him his own table or butter knife and let him try to copy what you do with his own veggie like yours. Forming hamburger patties? Let him make his own right beside you while you talk to him. My own LOVED to help make biscuits at 3….but even if you buy the refridgerated canned biscuits……he can place them in the pan for you, and you’ll see how proud he will be to have helped. Nearly anything that you’re doing, give his own little part in it…..whether it’s laundry or cooking or cleaning up. If doing dishes, let him pull up a chair and help with his own dishrag. He’ll love it, really. Just use your imagination….be creative and patient and try to remember to chatter away while doing these things, encouraging him to chatter back by asking him questions about what he’s doing, if he likes it, what he thinks, etc. Try not to fuss about any little messes he makes or how much longer it takes to do anything this way. Try to make a little fun game out of everything you do with him.These are just ideas. I’m sure you’ll come up with many of your own in time……and other posters will have great ideas as well. Josie
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