Question:
> For the newbies who want a dog "without much hassle", here’s a likely > scenario for you and your brand new puppy. Note that this is not out > of the ordinary! > <unbelievably funny schedule snipped for brevity> > Charlene Vickers, Yellowknife, NWT > "Be gone! Before someone drops a house on you!"
ROTFLMAO!! I have three GSDs and you are absolutely correct. Thanks, I really needed that today. Alice Wolf & Jasmine & Lexie
Response:
Charlene, The first day with a puppy is delightful. Do I have your permission to repost it to the Doberman list (Doberworld-L)? I know most, if not all, would enjoy it tremendously. Avrama & Shomer
For the newbies who want a dog "without much hassle", here’s a likely scenario for you and your brand new puppy. Note that this is not out of the ordinary! Very early morning (about three): Take puppy out of crate and let it out to pee. Pup goes out, plays, comes in, pees on living room carpet. Say "No, puppy!" and rush dog outside on leash this time. He pees, you praise. Get out carpet cleaning machine and clean carpet. Dig puppy out of couch cushions, where he hid when you switched on loud carpet cleaner. Put puppy back in crate. Go to bed. Get up and put carpet cleaner where puppy can’t see it to stop loud, incessant barking. Early morning: Take puppy out for pee. Feed breakfast and give water. Conduct short training session – attempt to teach puppy to Sit while puppy is trying to lick your ears. During your breakfast: Clean up puppy vomit and urine. Change your clothes. Before going to work: Take puppy out to pee again. Put in crate with blankie and soothing toy. Noon: Come home. Learn that a baby puppy can’t always hold it for three hours straight. Clean out crate, throw blankie in wash. Take puppy out for pee. Feed puppy. Take short training break – attempt to teach puppy to Sit at the same time you teach him not to nip your hands. Before you leave, take puppy out to pee again. Eat your lunch in car. Afternoon: Come home. Puppy was again not physically able to hold it for so many hours. (Resist urge to punish puppy, wring his neck, etc.) Take puppy out to pee. Play with puppy for half an hour. Carry puppy back inside after he falls asleep during playing. Clean up crate. Put sleeping puppy in crate. Put blankie in dryer. When puppy wakes up, you’re in the bathroom or something – you miss his waking up. Clean up pee in crate, because he needs to go RIGHT AWAY after he wakes up. Rinse puppy off, because he pooped too, and rolled in it. Rinse off floor, because when you opened the crate he ran out and tracked poo and pee all over the kitchen. Take puppy out to pee and poo. Notice that he tracked poo into the living room, too; get carpet cleaner out. Stop puppy from attacking carpet cleaner; put puppy in crate and put crate in another room while you clean up mess. Let puppy out of crate to run around. Clean up pee in corner, and find stain to match scratches puppy made in antique mahogany armoire when he tried to chew it when you weren’t looking. To prevent future adventures of the same ilk, attach one end of rope to puppy and the other end to your belt loop while you do chores indoors. Chores take twice as long to do because you now have a little helper. Move all noxious chemicals from bottom shelves to top shelves immediately after puppy tries to carry around bleach bottle but instead punctures bottle with sharp puppy teeth and tries to drink contents. Take puppy out to pee every hour. When puppy nips, teach the puppy that this is WRONG. Repeat over and over again until you have a splitting headache. Puppy still nips. When puppy gets overactive, take puppy out to pee and then unleash it and put it in its crate. Sleep might follow – what are the odds? When puppy wakes up, rush it outside to pee. Mid-evening: as puppy is tethered to you and while you are playing with it, it takes hold of a table leg and starts to chew. You correct it while it’s in the act of chewing and give it a proper chew toy, and praise it when it chews the toy. Repeat a dozen times before the puppy finally turns around and pees. Rush puppy outside, then come back in and clean up pee. Clean up puppy, who fell asleep in the middle of peeing. Continue taking puppy out every hour or so. Discontinue puppy’s access to water for the evening. Late evening: Try to stop puppy from climbing in the toilet as you are sitting on the toilet in question. Find out that carpet cleaning fluid doesn’t clean up puppy pee very well, when puppy finds (supposedly clean) spot on carpet and pees on it. Make note to buy proper puppy urine neutralizer. Bedtime: Take puppy for last pee break, play with him a little, give him a BIG cuddle and put him in his crate. Kneel by your bed and pray that someday, soon, this puppy will grow up. Look over at crate beside your bed and see sweet, precious, little puppy boy, cuddled up with his freshly washed blankie and his dolly, and remember why you’re doing this – you’re doing it for your best friend, your dog. Before retiring, set your alarm clock for three, so you can take the puppy out and start this wonderful day all over again. L> > L> > Charlene Vickers, Yellowknife, NWT L> > L> > "Be gone! Before someone drops a house on you!" … nfx v2.7 [C0000] God give me by grace what You give to dogs by nature.
Response:
Now I remember why I always adopt older dogs. Very funny and very true. Vickie writes: > Path:
akron5.neo.lrun.com!news-out.internetmci.com!dciteleport.com!europa.clark.n et!1 28.223.220.30!logbridge.uoregon.edu!news.bc.net!rover.ucs.ualberta.ca!news. ntne t.nt.ca!buck.internorth.com!not-for-mail > Newsgroups: rec.pets.dogs.misc,rec.pets.dogs.breeds > Organization: Internet North > Lines: 94 > NNTP-Posting-Host: line13.nt.internorth.com > X-Newsreader: Forte Free Agent 1.11/32.235 > Xref: akron5.neo.lrun.com rec.pets.dogs.misc:57830
rec.pets.dogs.breeds:89828 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> For the newbies who want a dog "without much hassle", here’s a likely > scenario for you and your brand new puppy. Note that this is not out > of the ordinary! > Very early morning (about three): Take puppy out of crate and let it > out to pee. Pup goes out, plays, comes in, pees on living room carpet. > Say "No, puppy!" and rush dog outside on leash this time. He pees, you > praise. Get out carpet cleaning machine and clean carpet. Dig puppy > out of couch cushions, where he hid when you switched on loud carpet > cleaner. Put puppy back in crate. Go to bed. Get up and put carpet > cleaner where puppy can’t see it to stop loud, incessant barking. > Early morning: Take puppy out for pee. Feed breakfast and give water. > Conduct short training session – attempt to teach puppy to Sit while > puppy is trying to lick your ears. > During your breakfast: Clean up puppy vomit and urine. Change your > clothes. > Before going to work: Take puppy out to pee again. Put in crate with > blankie and soothing toy. > Noon: Come home. Learn that a baby puppy can’t always hold it for > three hours straight. Clean out crate, throw blankie in wash. Take > puppy out for pee. Feed puppy. Take short training break – attempt to > teach puppy to Sit at the same time you teach him not to nip your > hands. Before you leave, take puppy out to pee again. Eat your lunch > in car. > Afternoon: Come home. Puppy was again not physically able to hold it > for so many hours. (Resist urge to punish puppy, wring his neck, etc.) > Take puppy out to pee. Play with puppy for half an hour. Carry puppy > back inside after he falls asleep during playing. Clean up crate. Put > sleeping puppy in crate. Put blankie in dryer. > When puppy wakes up, you’re in the bathroom or something – you miss > his waking up. Clean up pee in crate, because he needs to go RIGHT > AWAY after he wakes up. Rinse puppy off, because he pooped too, and > rolled in it. Rinse off floor, because when you opened the crate he > ran out and tracked poo and pee all over the kitchen. Take puppy out > to pee and poo. Notice that he tracked poo into the living room, too; > get carpet cleaner out. Stop puppy from attacking carpet cleaner; put > puppy in crate and put crate in another room while you clean up mess. > Let puppy out of crate to run around. Clean up pee in corner, and find > stain to match scratches puppy made in antique mahogany armoire when > he tried to chew it when you weren’t looking. To prevent future > adventures of the same ilk, attach one end of rope to puppy and the > other end to your belt loop while you do chores indoors. Chores take > twice as long to do because you now have a little helper. > Move all noxious chemicals from bottom shelves to top shelves > immediately after puppy tries to carry around bleach bottle but > instead punctures bottle with sharp puppy teeth and tries to drink > contents. > Take puppy out to pee every hour. When puppy nips, teach the puppy > that this is WRONG. Repeat over and over again until you have a > splitting headache. Puppy still nips. > When puppy gets overactive, take puppy out to pee and then unleash it > and put it in its crate. Sleep might follow – what are the odds? When > puppy wakes up, rush it outside to pee. > Mid-evening: as puppy is tethered to you and while you are playing > with it, it takes hold of a table leg and starts to chew. You correct > it while it’s in the act of chewing and give it a proper chew toy, and > praise it when it chews the toy. Repeat a dozen times before the puppy > finally turns around and pees. Rush puppy outside, then come back in > and clean up pee. Clean up puppy, who fell asleep in the middle of > peeing. Continue taking puppy out every hour or so. Discontinue > puppy’s access to water for the evening. > Late evening: Try to stop puppy from climbing in the toilet as you are > sitting on the toilet in question. Find out that carpet cleaning fluid > doesn’t clean up puppy pee very well, when puppy finds (supposedly > clean) spot on carpet and pees on it. Make note to buy proper puppy > urine neutralizer. > Bedtime: Take puppy for last pee break, play with him a little, give > him a BIG cuddle and put him in his crate. Kneel by your bed and pray > that someday, soon, this puppy will grow up. Look over at crate beside > your bed and see sweet, precious, little puppy boy, cuddled up with > his freshly washed blankie and his dolly, and remember why you’re > doing this – you’re doing it for your best friend, your dog. > Before retiring, set your alarm clock for three, so you can take the > puppy out and start this wonderful day all over again. > — > Charlene Vickers, Yellowknife, NWT > "Be gone! Before someone drops a house on you!"
Response:
Very true (sorry had to cut it, newsserver wouldn’t let me have less of what I’m writing than what you wrote) that’s why I prefer older, less active dogs. Puppies are cute, and unless my dog had a litter (which any of my dogs will not because they will all be spayed/neutered) I’d rather save an older dog because I could take the last puppy in the shelter instead of an older dog and when the next person comes along, they’d go to another shelter, and forget about the older ones. For anyone who is considering a dog/puppy remember even though they may not be with you as long (which makes time with them more special) they already have their own personality and their not as much work. The Salem County Humane Society http://www.jaguarsystems.com/schs learn how you can help- save homeless homer symbols- For more info: http://www.jaguarsystems.com/schs/schshp5.htm Remeber: spay/neuter, adopt don’t buy or breed, and always be ready to take responsibility for litters that your animal has that you could have prevented- don’t leave the responsibility on overfilled shelters-Spay and Neuter.
Response:
For the newbies who want a dog "without much hassle", here’s a likely scenario for you and your brand new puppy. Note that this is not out of the ordinary! Very early morning (about three): Take puppy out of crate and let it out to pee. Pup goes out, plays, comes in, pees on living room carpet. Say "No, puppy!" and rush dog outside on leash this time. He pees, you praise. Get out carpet cleaning machine and clean carpet. Dig puppy out of couch cushions, where he hid when you switched on loud carpet cleaner. Put puppy back in crate. Go to bed. Get up and put carpet cleaner where puppy can’t see it to stop loud, incessant barking. Early morning: Take puppy out for pee. Feed breakfast and give water. Conduct short training session – attempt to teach puppy to Sit while puppy is trying to lick your ears. During your breakfast: Clean up puppy vomit and urine. Change your clothes. Before going to work: Take puppy out to pee again. Put in crate with blankie and soothing toy. Noon: Come home. Learn that a baby puppy can’t always hold it for three hours straight. Clean out crate, throw blankie in wash. Take puppy out for pee. Feed puppy. Take short training break – attempt to teach puppy to Sit at the same time you teach him not to nip your hands. Before you leave, take puppy out to pee again. Eat your lunch in car. Afternoon: Come home. Puppy was again not physically able to hold it for so many hours. (Resist urge to punish puppy, wring his neck, etc.) Take puppy out to pee. Play with puppy for half an hour. Carry puppy back inside after he falls asleep during playing. Clean up crate. Put sleeping puppy in crate. Put blankie in dryer. When puppy wakes up, you’re in the bathroom or something – you miss his waking up. Clean up pee in crate, because he needs to go RIGHT AWAY after he wakes up. Rinse puppy off, because he pooped too, and rolled in it. Rinse off floor, because when you opened the crate he ran out and tracked poo and pee all over the kitchen. Take puppy out to pee and poo. Notice that he tracked poo into the living room, too; get carpet cleaner out. Stop puppy from attacking carpet cleaner; put puppy in crate and put crate in another room while you clean up mess. Let puppy out of crate to run around. Clean up pee in corner, and find stain to match scratches puppy made in antique mahogany armoire when he tried to chew it when you weren’t looking. To prevent future adventures of the same ilk, attach one end of rope to puppy and the other end to your belt loop while you do chores indoors. Chores take twice as long to do because you now have a little helper. Move all noxious chemicals from bottom shelves to top shelves immediately after puppy tries to carry around bleach bottle but instead punctures bottle with sharp puppy teeth and tries to drink contents. Take puppy out to pee every hour. When puppy nips, teach the puppy that this is WRONG. Repeat over and over again until you have a splitting headache. Puppy still nips. When puppy gets overactive, take puppy out to pee and then unleash it and put it in its crate. Sleep might follow – what are the odds? When puppy wakes up, rush it outside to pee. Mid-evening: as puppy is tethered to you and while you are playing with it, it takes hold of a table leg and starts to chew. You correct it while it’s in the act of chewing and give it a proper chew toy, and praise it when it chews the toy. Repeat a dozen times before the puppy finally turns around and pees. Rush puppy outside, then come back in and clean up pee. Clean up puppy, who fell asleep in the middle of peeing. Continue taking puppy out every hour or so. Discontinue puppy’s access to water for the evening. Late evening: Try to stop puppy from climbing in the toilet as you are sitting on the toilet in question. Find out that carpet cleaning fluid doesn’t clean up puppy pee very well, when puppy finds (supposedly clean) spot on carpet and pees on it. Make note to buy proper puppy urine neutralizer. Bedtime: Take puppy for last pee break, play with him a little, give him a BIG cuddle and put him in his crate. Kneel by your bed and pray that someday, soon, this puppy will grow up. Look over at crate beside your bed and see sweet, precious, little puppy boy, cuddled up with his freshly washed blankie and his dolly, and remember why you’re doing this – you’re doing it for your best friend, your dog. Before retiring, set your alarm clock for three, so you can take the puppy out and start this wonderful day all over again. — Charlene Vickers, Yellowknife, NWT "Be gone! Before someone drops a house on you!"
Response:
Charlene, ROTFL! Hilarious…mostly because it is sooooo true! A lot of people are probably wondering why anyone in their right mind would even *want* a dog! Well, all I can say is that for people who read it, laugh, and say "that’s not so bad, I could deal with that for the rewards of having the little precious fuzzbutt!" THOSE are the people who should have dogs. Those who are grossed out, annoyed, turned off, hostile, or oblivious….maybe should get a cat. Or a houseplant. Lori (who has seen it all, and cleaned most of it off the floor) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > For the newbies who want a dog "without much hassle", here’s a likely > scenario for you and your brand new puppy. Note that this is not out > of the ordinary! > Very early morning (about three): Take puppy out of crate and let it > out to pee. Pup goes out, plays, comes in, pees on living room carpet. > Say "No, puppy!" and rush dog outside on leash this time. He pees, you > praise. Get out carpet cleaning machine and clean carpet. Dig puppy > out of couch cushions, where he hid when you switched on loud carpet > cleaner. Put puppy back in crate. Go to bed. Get up and put carpet > cleaner where puppy can’t see it to stop loud, incessant barking. > Early morning: Take puppy out for pee. Feed breakfast and give water. > Conduct short training session – attempt to teach puppy to Sit while > puppy is trying to lick your ears. > During your breakfast: Clean up puppy vomit and urine. Change your > clothes. > Before going to work: Take puppy out to pee again. Put in crate with > blankie and soothing toy. > Noon: Come home. Learn that a baby puppy can’t always hold it for > three hours straight. Clean out crate, throw blankie in wash. Take > puppy out for pee. Feed puppy. Take short training break – attempt to > teach puppy to Sit at the same time you teach him not to nip your > hands. Before you leave, take puppy out to pee again. Eat your lunch > in car. > Afternoon: Come home. Puppy was again not physically able to hold it > for so many hours. (Resist urge to punish puppy, wring his neck, etc.) > Take puppy out to pee. Play with puppy for half an hour. Carry puppy > back inside after he falls asleep during playing. Clean up crate. Put > sleeping puppy in crate. Put blankie in dryer. > When puppy wakes up, you’re in the bathroom or something – you miss > his waking up. Clean up pee in crate, because he needs to go RIGHT > AWAY after he wakes up. Rinse puppy off, because he pooped too, and > rolled in it. Rinse off floor, because when you opened the crate he > ran out and tracked poo and pee all over the kitchen. Take puppy out > to pee and poo. Notice that he tracked poo into the living room, too; > get carpet cleaner out. Stop puppy from attacking carpet cleaner; put > puppy in crate and put crate in another room while you clean up mess. > Let puppy out of crate to run around. Clean up pee in corner, and find > stain to match scratches puppy made in antique mahogany armoire when > he tried to chew it when you weren’t looking. To prevent future > adventures of the same ilk, attach one end of rope to puppy and the > other end to your belt loop while you do chores indoors. Chores take > twice as long to do because you now have a little helper. > Move all noxious chemicals from bottom shelves to top shelves > immediately after puppy tries to carry around bleach bottle but > instead punctures bottle with sharp puppy teeth and tries to drink > contents. > Take puppy out to pee every hour. When puppy nips, teach the puppy > that this is WRONG. Repeat over and over again until you have a > splitting headache. Puppy still nips. > When puppy gets overactive, take puppy out to pee and then unleash it > and put it in its crate. Sleep might follow – what are the odds? When > puppy wakes up, rush it outside to pee. > Mid-evening: as puppy is tethered to you and while you are playing > with it, it takes hold of a table leg and starts to chew. You correct > it while it’s in the act of chewing and give it a proper chew toy, and > praise it when it chews the toy. Repeat a dozen times before the puppy > finally turns around and pees. Rush puppy outside, then come back in > and clean up pee. Clean up puppy, who fell asleep in the middle of > peeing. Continue taking puppy out every hour or so. Discontinue > puppy’s access to water for the evening. > Late evening: Try to stop puppy from climbing in the toilet as you are > sitting on the toilet in question. Find out that carpet cleaning fluid > doesn’t clean up puppy pee very well, when puppy finds (supposedly > clean) spot on carpet and pees on it. Make note to buy proper puppy > urine neutralizer. > Bedtime: Take puppy for last pee break, play with him a little, give > him a BIG cuddle and put him in his crate. Kneel by your bed and pray > that someday, soon, this puppy will grow up. Look over at crate beside > your bed and see sweet, precious, little puppy boy, cuddled up with > his freshly washed blankie and his dolly, and remember why you’re > doing this – you’re doing it for your best friend, your dog. > Before retiring, set your alarm clock for three, so you can take the > puppy out and start this wonderful day all over again. > — > Charlene Vickers, Yellowknife, NWT > "Be gone! Before someone drops a house on you!"
– Ripley’s Retrieve-It-Or-Not: http://www.geocities.com/~goldendog "E Pluribus Woof"
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