Question:
>lots of snipped jokes<
Thanks for starting my day off with a smile!! Dab
Response:
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey." Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. -Age 13 I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.-Age 13 I often wonder how come John Tesh isn’t as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it’s because he sucks. -Age 15 For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out. -Age 6 My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth-that most of us go to hell and burn eternally-but I didn’t want to upset him. -Age 10 It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. – Age 8 Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. Age 10 Home is where the house is. -Age 6 I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one’s right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the – country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts. – Age15 When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose air and the old-man smell. -Age 5 I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower. -Age 11 If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. -Age 15 This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week……. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win a holiday to Bali. Last week the competition went like this: Presenter: G’day its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game? Brian: Yeah, sure. Presenter: OK, Question 1 – When was the last time you had sex? Brian: Ohhh, maaaate. Ha Ha, well, about 8 o’clock this morning. Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian? Brian: Orrrrr …. about 10 minutes. Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it mate? Brian: Ohhhh maaaaate, I can’t say that. Presenter: There’s a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian! Brian: O.K. … O.K. … On the kitchen table. Presenter: (and others in the room – much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife? Brian: Yeah, alright. Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you? Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks. Presenter: (Explains competition again) We’ve got Brian on the other line, say hello. Sharelle: Hi Brian. Brian: Hi Sharelle. Presenter: Now Sharelle, we’re going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali. Brian: Just tell the truth Honey. Sharelle: O.K. Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex? Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can’t say that on radio. Brian: Sharelle, it doesn’t matter. I’ve already told them. Sharelle: O.K. … About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work. Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle? Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes. Co-Presenter: That’s close enough … Brian was just being a gentleman. Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it? Sharelle: Oh no I can’t say that. My mum could be listing. No way, no. Presenter: There’s a trip to Bali on the line here. Brian: Sharelle, I’ve already told them so it doesn’t matter anyway just tell em. Sharelle: Ohhhh …. alright …. Up the arse! Radio Silence Advert Presenter: Sorry if anyone was offended before, we’re going live here,and sometimes these things happen. We’ve given Brian and Sharelle the holiday. Now we’ll take a music break. Here are some truths….Some Observations …. How Dogs and Men Are Alike 1. Both keep moving…even when they are lost. 2. Both take up too much space on the bed. 3. Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner. 4. Both are threatened by their own kind. 5. Neither understands what you see in cats. 6. Both want dominance. 7. Both do the dishes by licking them clean. 8. Both chase cars. 9. The larger ones tend to drool. 10. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. How Dogs Are Better Than Men 1. Dogs don’t have problems expressing affection in public. 2. Dogs miss you when you are gone. 3. You can train a dog. 4. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. 5. Dogs understand what "NO" means. 6. Dogs mean it when they kiss you. 7. When dogs play "fetch", they don’t laugh at how you throw. 8. Dogs are color blind. 9. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside. Why Dogs are Better Than Women 1. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions. 2. Dogs like beer. 3. Dogs don’t hate their bodies. 4. Dogs don’t criticize. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 6. Dogs never expect gifts. 7. Dogs don’t want to know about every other dog you’ve ever had. 8. Dogs don’t let a magazine article guide their lives. 9. You never have to wait for a dog, they’re ready to go 24 hours a day. 10. Dogs don’t cry. 11. Dogs love it when your friends come over. 12. A dog’s time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink. 13. Dogs don’t expect you to call when you’re running late – the later you are, the more excited they are to see you. 14. Anyone can get a good looking dog. 15. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk. 16. Dogs don’t mind if you give their offspring away. 17. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. 18. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don’t hate it. 19. A dog’s parents never visit.
Response:
Thats what I call the power of suggestion. You have made me smile and did not have to say a thing. LOL Harv
Response:
Soooooo, what’s the punch line??
Response:
Most people at AS3 love them. What does that have to do with smoking? Many a day, going through the quit anguish, I have gotten on AS3 – sometimes angry, sometimes sobbing, sometimes bored, sometimes happy and carefree. The jokes have ALWAYS made me smile. BTW, I also forward them to DH, who gets very little email. He has been very unhappy lately, as I have not been online much to send him jokes. With hope and heart, Kathleen, a Junqui and almost HOF Whooooohoooooooo! — The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can, Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way Where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say. ~ J.R.R.
Response:
<snipped> > Here you go! > www.jokeaday.com > http://www.lotsofjokes.com > www.jokes.com
Oh cool. My boss doesn’t like me surfing to those sites from work though, but he doesn’t mind me reading AS3. I do appreciate those who find the funny jokes posting them to AS3 so I get a laugh when at work. Thanks for the links though RK…they may come in useful when I am surfing from home 
Paula
Response:
May I suggest that you actually do some work during work hours???, and leave AS3 for your personal time? No wonder your country is in such a bad state! *wack* go do some work and stay out of here. Frampy
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> <snipped> > Here you go! > www.jokeaday.com > http://www.lotsofjokes.com > www.jokes.com > Oh cool. My boss doesn’t like me surfing to those sites from work though, > but he doesn’t mind me reading AS3. I do appreciate those who find the funny > jokes posting them to AS3 so I get a laugh when at work. Thanks for the > links though RK…they may come in useful when I am surfing from home > Paula
Response:
aww framps! but you know i work at least 12 hours a day…i don’t have any personal time! thanks for the wack though!
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> May I suggest that you actually do some work during work hours???, and leave > AS3 for your personal time? No wonder your country is in such a bad state! > *wack* go do some work and stay out of here. > Frampy > <snipped> > > Here you go! > > www.jokeaday.com > > http://www.lotsofjokes.com > > www.jokes.com > Oh cool. My boss doesn’t like me surfing to those sites from work though, > but he doesn’t mind me reading AS3. I do appreciate those who find the > funny > jokes posting them to AS3 so I get a laugh when at work. Thanks for the > links though RK…they may come in useful when I am surfing from home > Paula
Response:
Looking for some wedding jokes
Response:
>Looking for some wedding jokes
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=wedding+jokes&… Bonnie http://www.tonightsthenight.net Bachelor / Bachelorette Party Stuff
Response:
Most people at AS3 love them. What does that have to do with smoking? Many a day, going through the quit anguish, I have gotten on AS3 – sometimes angry, sometimes sobbing, sometimes bored, sometimes happy and carefree. The jokes have ALWAYS made me smile. BTW, I also forward them to DH, who gets very little email. He has been very unhappy lately, as I have not been online much to send him jokes. With hope and heart, Kathleen, a Junqui and almost HOF Whooooohoooooooo! — The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can, Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way Where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say. ~ J.R.R.
Response:
<snipped> > Here you go! > www.jokeaday.com > http://www.lotsofjokes.com > www.jokes.com
Oh cool. My boss doesn’t like me surfing to those sites from work though, but he doesn’t mind me reading AS3. I do appreciate those who find the funny jokes posting them to AS3 so I get a laugh when at work. Thanks for the links though RK…they may come in useful when I am surfing from home Paula
Response:
May I suggest that you actually do some work during work hours???, and leave AS3 for your personal time? No wonder your country is in such a bad state! *wack* go do some work and stay out of here. Frampy
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> <snipped> > Here you go! > www.jokeaday.com > http://www.lotsofjokes.com > www.jokes.com > Oh cool. My boss doesn’t like me surfing to those sites from work though, > but he doesn’t mind me reading AS3. I do appreciate those who find the funny > jokes posting them to AS3 so I get a laugh when at work. Thanks for the > links though RK…they may come in useful when I am surfing from home > Paula
Response:
aww framps! but you know i work at least 12 hours a day…i don’t have any personal time! thanks for the wack though!
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> May I suggest that you actually do some work during work hours???, and leave > AS3 for your personal time? No wonder your country is in such a bad state! > *wack* go do some work and stay out of here. > Frampy > <snipped> > > Here you go! > > www.jokeaday.com > > http://www.lotsofjokes.com > > www.jokes.com > Oh cool. My boss doesn’t like me surfing to those sites from work though, > but he doesn’t mind me reading AS3. I do appreciate those who find the > funny > jokes posting them to AS3 so I get a laugh when at work. Thanks for the > links though RK…they may come in useful when I am surfing from home > Paula
Response:
Looking for some wedding jokes
Response:
>Looking for some wedding jokes
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=wedding+jokes&… Bonnie http://www.tonightsthenight.net Bachelor / Bachelorette Party Stuff
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