Consumer Homes.

Question:

Layne said : " I am right now in the process of trying to figure out how to stand up for myself without being too harsh or hurtful to people whom I feel are not being nice or fair. "  I reply : GOOD for you !  Once I got over my fear of speaking up for myself and talking back to people in the same manner in which they were speaking to me, life sure got a lot nicer.  Once people see they can not intimidate you with their words, they are then forced to deal with you on an even level, not with them thinking they have all the power. — MrsRat Admin XWorld NetWork http://www.xworld.org http://sefl.satelnet.org/~brats/

Response:

Thank you Mrs. Rat! I am right now in the process of trying to figure out how to stand up for myself without being too harsh or hurtful to people whom I feel are not being nice or fair.  So if I say stuff that sounds bullyish, I apologize in advance.  I haven’t quite gotten comfortable with being stand up for myself, I reproach myself for being wimpy, and if I do, I feel like a bully.  Hopefully this will go away with time, but in the meantime, your reply made me feel a lot better. Thanks again, Layne – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I reply : > I used to be that way myself.  Then I realized that if I didn’t > stand up for myself that I would get taken advantage of by > anyone and everyone.  And I was ! > Learn to speak up and say what’s on your mind.  Don’t ever > let anyone put you down and get away with it.  YOU are a > wonderful person and very important.  THEY are the loser > for treating you in an disrespectful manner and need to be > advised of such. > Once I learned to do this I hardly ever again had any stress > over any of life’s situations I found myself in.  I also find the > humor in every situation and find that laughing is much more > fun than stressing. > — > MrsRat > Admin XWorld NetWork > http://www.xworld.org > http://sefl.satelnet.org/~brats/

Response:

Layne said : " I am a very nonconfrontational person (read:  big wimp)…" I reply : I used to be that way myself.  Then I realized that if I didn’t stand up for myself that I would get taken advantage of by anyone and everyone.  And I was ! Learn to speak up and say what’s on your mind.  Don’t ever let anyone put you down and get away with it.  YOU are a wonderful person and very important.  THEY are the loser for treating you in an disrespectful manner and need to be advised of such. Once I learned to do this I hardly ever again had any stress over any of life’s situations I found myself in.  I also find the humor in every situation and find that laughing is much more fun than stressing. — MrsRat Admin XWorld NetWork http://www.xworld.org http://sefl.satelnet.org/~brats/

Response:

Mmmmmm…chocolate…you’re playing my song,  Rebecca!  I’m borderline lactose-intolerant, but since this isn’t real I’ll visualize an enormous hot-fudge sundae with lots of whipped cream and nuts while I’m floating (sinking?) on my raft. Mimi (who’s gaining weight just thinking about it)

Response:

Tom C? I think I am lost here.  My posts are not all being recorded.  Maybe AOL is the referee in my bouts and has decided I should lose points by not showing all my posts.   Anyway, in the lost post I had to have a word in my defense.  Not that losing would hurt.  Because winning the battle and losing the war is not my goal. My object is for everyone to win the war, unlikely as that may appear. Gail

Response:

LOL – I think there might be a shark in that lake too! Rebecca who visualizes giant chocolate sundaes . . . – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Layne > I think stress is a big problem for all of us on this ng.  My sister > told me about visualization.  She imagines herself at the lake, floating > on a raft…nice warm sunshine…gentle breeze…raft gently undulating > under her…she says it works great until she realizes the raft has a > slow leak and there’s a speedboat heading straight for her at 90 mph > <G>. > On her advice, I tried this at home (without the leak and the speedboat) > and it really seems to lower my blood pressure and make me feel much > calmer.  I wish I could do it at work, but people would talk about me > (even more than they already do). > Regards, > Mimi

Response:

Hi Layne I think stress is a big problem for all of us on this ng.  My sister told me about visualization.  She imagines herself at the lake, floating on a raft…nice warm sunshine…gentle breeze…raft gently undulating under her…she says it works great until she realizes the raft has a slow leak and there’s a speedboat heading straight for her at 90 mph <G>. On her advice, I tried this at home (without the leak and the speedboat) and it really seems to lower my blood pressure and make me feel much calmer.  I wish I could do it at work, but people would talk about me (even more than they already do). Regards, Mimi

Response:

>I am a very nonconfrontational person (read:  big wimp) and I noticed in >the past that situations which required confrontation of just about any >sort would cause me to have gigantic flares until the situation was >resolved (usually by my not standing up for myself and tolerating >whatever kind of treatment others subjected me to).

It wouldn’t hurt to see a counselor, to learn to deal with stress better.  Not always helpful, but worth a try. Kathi

Response:

Layne- For me, a nice warm bath or about an hour of "quiet time" for myself works wonders.  I try to something for myself each day regardless of whether I feel great or terrible.  I like to read, but that’s not such a great idea if you are battling a migraine. Maybe a bath or a soak in the pool, some scented candles, relaxing, soft music…. Hope you find something that works for you. Be well- Tracy

Response:

Layne- I know I just posted for you, but I just saw that you have an 8 month old. As the mother of a 3 year old, I can certainly understand.  My advice… take advantage of nap time.  That is when I relax.  I refuse to do housework during this time.  I either nap while she is napping, read, or read the ng….. Good luck. Tracy

Response:

Layne; I like the image of you with your kitchen magnets all over your head myself LOL! Annie’s advice is good. I too don’t like confrontation and will go to great lengths to avoid it!  Hang in there – having a toddler is a LOT of stress in itself! Rebecca – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Annie, > Thanks so much.  I am going to try as much of that as I can do without > criminally neglecting my 8 mo old daughter!  I think I may just be stressed out > from adjusting to motherhood right now.  No one ever told me about that before I > got pregnant!  (Not that I would have listened, probably). > Thanks again, > Layne > layne > ok you asked for it..(dont EVER ask a counseling psychologist in > behavioral-cognitive psych for stress stuff..cos THIS is what you are gonna > get) > 1) imaging > you first pick something you feel wicked relaxed about (for me its the > beach)…and then you get a "cue" word…(for me its "ocean")…and you > sit/lie somewhere and say the word.and picture yourself there > 2) breathing (add this to the above) > slowly (and you gotta practice this one) breathe in to the count of 6 and > breathe OUT TO THE COUNT OF 6..i say that cos everyone breathes in great > then lets it all out too fast..that does NOT go well and you can > hyperventilate that way..so practice it..then combine it with imaging > 3) stretching > each part of your > body..fingers..hands…arms..legs…stomach..legs..feet..neck..eyes > etc…one at a time…slowly stretch to the point almost of pain..then go > limp..but do it to the count of 6 > when you have all that learned…combine it with breathing and imaging > totally > it works…and thats how we deal with phobias as well… > ok another method..another imaging technique i developed myself for pain > only..(not stress) > i close eyes and picture i am looking thru a kaledoscope..and the pain is in > bright colors..and i break it into pieces and swirl it into designs…over > and over.. > often works wonders especially at night.. > another > if you dont have a walkman-tape player get one.. > make cassettes of your favorite cd’s or sections from them..so you dont get > the boring songs on..you know.. > lie down…and put in a tape.. > you will NOT hear the phone ring <g> you will not hear kids arguing..etc > etc…you will most likely fall asleep…or at least get some quality > rest..music helps the pain a LOT > mild exercise > hot or warm tubs > heating pads > for stress and pain > my doctor has also given me small amounts of valium for the really bad times > (like when..on the same day 1) one kid is coming home probably drinking 2) > second kid is arguing and throwing a hissy fit about doing chores..3)third > kid is out driving and i am not sure how fast..4) the pastor is making me > feel like my annulment will never happen 5) my dad is pretending i am the > evil daughter.6) my mentally ill daughter is interfering with something 7) > my other daughter is having problmes with her husband/job/money alan is > not here or is planning a business trip to california right when the kids > are going back to school <g>and 9) i have to make a dentist appt 10 ) a gi > appt 11) a regular md appt > 12) the phone doesnt stop ringing.. > THEN i need major help…hence the valium…a tiny bit goes a LONG way with > me… > very long.. > i dont like to use it..but it unloosens the knots in my stomach..my ex used > to use it for migraines..cos his type were caused by constricted blood > vessels..valium is a muscle relaxant..NOT an antidepressant.. > but sounds like what you may need > hope i helped > back to my housework..lol > love and prayers > annie

Response:

Annie, Thanks so much.  I am going to try as much of that as I can do without criminally neglecting my 8 mo old daughter!  I think I may just be stressed out from adjusting to motherhood right now.  No one ever told me about that before I got pregnant!  (Not that I would have listened, probably). Thanks again, Layne – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > layne > ok you asked for it..(dont EVER ask a counseling psychologist in > behavioral-cognitive psych for stress stuff..cos THIS is what you are gonna > get) > 1) imaging > you first pick something you feel wicked relaxed about (for me its the > beach)…and then you get a "cue" word…(for me its "ocean")…and you > sit/lie somewhere and say the word.and picture yourself there > 2) breathing (add this to the above) > slowly (and you gotta practice this one) breathe in to the count of 6 and > breathe OUT TO THE COUNT OF 6..i say that cos everyone breathes in great > then lets it all out too fast..that does NOT go well and you can > hyperventilate that way..so practice it..then combine it with imaging > 3) stretching > each part of your > body..fingers..hands…arms..legs…stomach..legs..feet..neck..eyes > etc…one at a time…slowly stretch to the point almost of pain..then go > limp..but do it to the count of 6 > when you have all that learned…combine it with breathing and imaging > totally > it works…and thats how we deal with phobias as well… > ok another method..another imaging technique i developed myself for pain > only..(not stress) > i close eyes and picture i am looking thru a kaledoscope..and the pain is in > bright colors..and i break it into pieces and swirl it into designs…over > and over.. > often works wonders especially at night.. > another > if you dont have a walkman-tape player get one.. > make cassettes of your favorite cd’s or sections from them..so you dont get > the boring songs on..you know.. > lie down…and put in a tape.. > you will NOT hear the phone ring <g> you will not hear kids arguing..etc > etc…you will most likely fall asleep…or at least get some quality > rest..music helps the pain a LOT > mild exercise > hot or warm tubs > heating pads > for stress and pain > my doctor has also given me small amounts of valium for the really bad times > (like when..on the same day 1) one kid is coming home probably drinking 2) > second kid is arguing and throwing a hissy fit about doing chores..3)third > kid is out driving and i am not sure how fast..4) the pastor is making me > feel like my annulment will never happen 5) my dad is pretending i am the > evil daughter.6) my mentally ill daughter is interfering with something 7) > my other daughter is having problmes with her husband/job/money alan is > not here or is planning a business trip to california right when the kids > are going back to school <g>and 9) i have to make a dentist appt 10 ) a gi > appt 11) a regular md appt > 12) the phone doesnt stop ringing.. > THEN i need major help…hence the valium…a tiny bit goes a LONG way with > me… > very long.. > i dont like to use it..but it unloosens the knots in my stomach..my ex used > to use it for migraines..cos his type were caused by constricted blood > vessels..valium is a muscle relaxant..NOT an antidepressant.. > but sounds like what you may need > hope i helped > back to my housework..lol > love and prayers > annie

Response:

Also try your other senses though, ike smell , when I need my place which is the ocean also, when I cose myeyes, I ca smeel it, I can feel…the ocean spray, make all your senses work and it will work far better. Good luck! Love,"Cat"

Response:

Andrea, Saw your next post after writing the confrontational one before.  Why can you not take tranquillizers to help your stress.  (Ativan,  Valium, clorazepate, etc)  What is wrong with having a little help in time of stress just as another person would take an aspirin for a headache. Many things make me cry and suffering is one of them. Off topic, I am very aggravated at the Koreans who want to legalize dog meat. I will try to boycott anything from Korea.  Bad enough the cows and such, I know they are near starvation, but they are also heartless. Yes. the world can get me down and the insensitivity of man is a live with downer for me.  (why would I inflict insesitivity to anyone when I feel so strongly about it)  I know I am rambling now, but the pain of just thinking sometimes make me sad. Gail

Response:

layne ok you asked for it..(dont EVER ask a counseling psychologist in behavioral-cognitive psych for stress stuff..cos THIS is what you are gonna get) 1) imaging you first pick something you feel wicked relaxed about (for me its the beach)…and then you get a "cue" word…(for me its "ocean")…and you sit/lie somewhere and say the word.and picture yourself there 2) breathing (add this to the above) slowly (and you gotta practice this one) breathe in to the count of 6 and breathe OUT TO THE COUNT OF 6..i say that cos everyone breathes in great then lets it all out too fast..that does NOT go well and you can hyperventilate that way..so practice it..then combine it with imaging 3) stretching each part of your body..fingers..hands…arms..legs…stomach..legs..feet..neck..eyes etc…one at a time…slowly stretch to the point almost of pain..then go limp..but do it to the count of 6 when you have all that learned…combine it with breathing and imaging totally it works…and thats how we deal with phobias as well… ok another method..another imaging technique i developed myself for pain only..(not stress) i close eyes and picture i am looking thru a kaledoscope..and the pain is in bright colors..and i break it into pieces and swirl it into designs…over and over.. often works wonders especially at night.. another if you dont have a walkman-tape player get one.. make cassettes of your favorite cd’s or sections from them..so you dont get the boring songs on..you know.. lie down…and put in a tape.. you will NOT hear the phone ring <g> you will not hear kids arguing..etc etc…you will most likely fall asleep…or at least get some quality rest..music helps the pain a LOT mild exercise hot or warm tubs heating pads for stress and pain my doctor has also given me small amounts of valium for the really bad times (like when..on the same day 1) one kid is coming home probably drinking 2) second kid is arguing and throwing a hissy fit about doing chores..3)third kid is out driving and i am not sure how fast..4) the pastor is making me feel like my annulment will never happen 5) my dad is pretending i am the evil daughter.6) my mentally ill daughter is interfering with something 7) my other daughter is having problmes with her husband/job/money alan is not here or is planning a business trip to california right when the kids are going back to school <g>and 9) i have to make a dentist appt 10 ) a gi appt 11) a regular md appt 12) the phone doesnt stop ringing.. THEN i need major help…hence the valium…a tiny bit goes a LONG way with me… very long.. i dont like to use it..but it unloosens the knots in my stomach..my ex used to use it for migraines..cos his type were caused by constricted blood vessels..valium is a muscle relaxant..NOT an antidepressant.. but sounds like what you may need hope i helped back to my housework..lol love and prayers annie

Response:

Sorry about yelling in the header . . . I am a very nonconfrontational person (read:  big wimp) and I noticed in the past that situations which required confrontation of just about any sort would cause me to have gigantic flares until the situation was resolved (usually by my not standing up for myself and tolerating whatever kind of treatment others subjected me to).  Anyway, I no longer have a colon, which I thought would be great, but now when I get in confrontational situations, the stress gives me huge debilitating headaches.  I guess my body decided to attack an area I couldn’t get rid of.   So I was wondering if anyone had any methods of relaxation or stress management that might help this.  I will try anything at this point.  :-( Layne (who has all of her kitchen magnets stuck to her head <lol>)

Response: